Realize What Hurts The Most
by OhhhSkyler
Summary: Rory said no to Logan's proposal. Logan said no to her. What happens when they both realize they made the biggest mistakes of their lives? More than one chapter, and each chapter will be a songfic. Hopefully better than it sounds. - No longer continuing.


**_A/N:_ **Again, this isn't the only chapter. And a warning: I suck at updating. My updating is as horrible as Paris Hilton doing whatever she does. Read and Review, please! (And sorry to all of those Paris lovers!)

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I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though  
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay

_But that's not what gets me  
_

It was raining in California. It was the type of rain that made you depressed and sad because it was too heavy to dance in. On rainy days, you're suppose to go out and play in the rain; cheer up, no matter what the situation; forget about the bad, and think about all the good that will come. Your mood shouldn't match the sky, but that's exactly how Logan was feeling.

Gloomy.

He was alone in gloomy California, in his gloomy house, with his gloomy avocado tree, and his gloomy engagement ring that was currently in the original gloomy velvet box on the gloomy table in front of him. He was sitting on his lonely, gloomy, couch, nursing a glass of scotch. Sometimes, he thought, gloomy was an understatement.

_What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

When Rory said no to his proposal, he packed up and left for California as soon as he could. He didn't want to deal with a bunch of society pricks talking about him behind his back; While they didn't think he could hear them. While they said it was good she turned him down, because she wasn't good enough to be a Huntzberger anyway.

He always wanted to yell and protest at them for saying those harsh, untrue words. But he never could. His heart wasn't in it. He didn't want to stick up for someone who he fully gave his heart to, and in response, they tore it out and stomped on it over and over again, until it looked like one of those dead animals on the side of the road you always see driving on the interstate. Most would call it Road Kill...

He would call it Love Kill.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder getting' up, getting' dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken_

Acts this, acts that. It seemed as if he was always putting on acts. Acts for his friends when they called; acts for work when they needed him to come in; acts for his dad when he called and said he needed to grow up and come back to the family business; acts for himself. He didn't like acting. He's never been much of an actor. In high school his father made him try out for a school play, thinking it would make him become a little more responsible, he was wrong. Very, very, wrong. He always got the lines wrong, he never showed up on time, hell, half the time he never showed up. He swore to himself that, that was the last time he would act. But if someone told him he would meet Rory Gilmore-Hayden, he wouldn't have made that promise.

Just thinking about her brings out the old memories. The ones that were once filled with love and kindness, are now filled with sadness and depression. Memories he doesn't want to think about any longer. Memories that make him want to become a chef so he can put them on the back-burner. Burn them until they become black, until they become nothings. Burn them until there's nothing left to remember.

He figured he should sue Rory for man slaughter, because that's exactly what Logan thinks she did. Without her, he doesn't think life itself even exists.

He knew had to get her back. He just didn't quite now how to yet. But that never stopped him before.

In omnia paratus.

_What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
(Much to say)  
And watchin' you walk away_

_And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh  
Oh yeah_

_What hurts the most  
What being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
(To say)  
And watchin' you walk away_

_And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do_

_Not seein' that lovin' you  
That's what I was trying to do, ooo_

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**_A/N:_ **The next chapter is Rory POV. Review!


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